In the beginning of April, I posted that I was going to make it a habit to treat my kids gently. I knew, that with them at home all day during the summer vacation, there’d be a whole lot of CRAZY going on. I wanted to spend this month being patient with them and not losing my mind when they drive me up the wall.
The downside of being patient with the kids and not getting angry with them, is that they tend to take things I say very lightly. I soon learnt that I would have to be firm and consistent in disciplining them, if I wanted them to obey. I also learnt that I could raise my voice to get their attention, without getting angry.
The more time I spent with them, the more secure they felt, and they were all the more eager to please me and listen to things I said. I also learnt to show my love to them, irrespective of their behavior. This meant that every time they were disciplined, I would explain to them why they were being punished. And after the punishment, I would take a few moments to cherish the child, and show him that I love him.
I’ve been reading the book “The 5 Love Languages of Children” and I’ve tried to incorporate some of the principles I’ve learnt. A love language is basically a means to show someone you love them. Most children under the age of 5 need to be shown all the love languages. For those who aren’t aware, here’s a list of the 5 Love Languages and how I incorporated them into our daily routine with the kids.
1. Physical Touch
When I give the kids a hug or a kiss, rub their backs, smoothen their hair, or let them sit on my lap for a while; it assures them of my love and they feel secure.
2. Words of Affirmation
The sons are thrilled when I thank them for a job well done or when I appreciate their efforts – especially when they play together or help a brother out.
3. Quality Time
This was a bit of a struggle because it’s almost impossible for me to spend one-on-one time with each of my triplets. But if I can, I try to sit and talk to the son who wakes up first. They love it when I sit on the mat with them, and we play legos together :).
4. Gifts
We don’t like to pamper the kids with toys, but we did buy them board games that we can play together as a family. At times, when we find them on their best behavior, my husband also surprises the kids with chocolates or chips. A few times a year we do buy them some toys – cars, puzzles or something a bit more realistic like a plastic tool set.
5. Acts of Service
I’m not sure the kids actually appreciate all the time I spend cooking, washing and cleaning. But they do appreciate the time I spend teaching them. Most mornings, we spend a good 30-40 minutes learning verses, phonics, alphabets, numbers and writing. We also read a book or two together – I think that falls under Quality Time; but either way, the kids love it… and I do too.
The idea behind the love languages, is that the kids’ love tank is filled when we show them our love – and they heed to correction and are less rebellious. Check out “The 5 Love Languages” website for more information.
Altogether, I think God was teaching me quite a few character traits – patience, being slow to anger, being quick to forgive & how to show grace even when the recipient didn’t deserve it. I’m still a work in progress, but at least I’m all set for the second half of our summer vacation :).
To Do: Work towards spending one-on-one time with each son.
To Read: The Gentleness Challenge
To Ponder:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Here I am, ending yet another month on a positive note… Concluding May’s Joy Dare, on a quest to count One Thousand Gifts I am thankful for.
