Sheena Gershom

The Excellent Wife: Chapters 9 & 10

November 7, 2012

We’re on Week 5 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 9 and 10.

Chapter 9: Love

This chapter begins with the reminder that as Christians, we are to love our neighbors. And our husbands; they just happen to be our closest neighbors. So, whether we “feel” like we’re in love or not, we must choose to love our husbands.

“Godly love is not primarily a feeling, it is a choice.”

The author explains that, when wives choose to show love to their husbands, God will “give them a love for each other that they never dreamed possible”. Now, that’s the kind of love I’ve always dreamt of ;).

The next section deals with attitudes that hinder love – the first of which is selfishness. Selfishness in my dictionary means, “Wanting to have my way, no matter the cost”. But the Bible instructs us to think of our others before ourselves. In the context of marriage, it would mean considering my husband’s needs before my own.

Another destructive attitude that hinders love (and not just in marriages) is bitterness. The author encourages wives to replace their bitter thoughts with kind, tenderhearted and forgiving thoughts. She also talks of a second mile investment, where we do something extra nice for our husbands, going above and beyond the call of duty.

“There is nothing that your husband has done that God cannot forgive and you cannot forgive!”

Fear also crowds out love in marriage. Wives fear several things – not getting their own way, fear of a husband’s death or a genuine fear for her safety. The only way to combat fear is to trust God and weed out the fear. Of course, if the wife is afraid because her husband abuses her, she has to seek help from a pastor or counselor.

The chapter ends with a verse-by-verse explanation of love as found in I Corinthians 13. My husband and I did a simple exercise a few years back. We wrote down each of the qualities this passage mentioned and examined ourselves, taking note of those areas that we needed to work on. Go ahead and try it – put your name in the place of “Love” and read those verses out loud. To be completely honest, I’m still working on most of them, myself :).

Chapter 10: Respect

This chapter is based on Ephesians 5:33 where wives are instructed to respect their husbands. It is something we should do, in obedience to the Word of God, even if we don’t always want to do it.

“This respect is not only an outward show, but also an inward heart’s attitude of obedience to God.”

The author goes on to give us several ways women tend to disrespect their husbands:

Talking back in a disrespectful tone
Complaining about him to others
Speaking hurtful words
Giving him a look that could kill
Being sarcastic or irritated with him

One thing I’m taking away from this chapter is to use a gentle tone with my husband and (try to) smile more often. Ever heard of the saying you catch more flies with honey than vinegar? 😉 It’s more likely that our husbands will hear us when we talk nicely than when we’re yelling at them.

In conclusion, I found that these two chapters had a lot of information to digest and practice in my everyday life. I plan on praying and receiving help from God, because He’s promised us that the Holy Spirit will teach us all things (which includes being a better wife). I truly believe God will help us improve our marriages when we lean on Him.

Monthly Goals: November

November 6, 2012

At the beginning of each month, I share my goals for the month ahead and track my progress on the previous month’s goals.

My goals for October were:

Stay on track with the Good Morning Girls Colossians Bible Study. — Done
Stay on track with the Hello Mornings I Peter Bible Study. — Done
Finish reading Romans and read through the book of I Corinthians. — Done
Read the first 10 chapters of The Excellent Wife. — Done
Start reading Everything. — Done
Read True Christian Motherhood. — Done
Teach the kids to memorize Psalm 121:3-4. — Done
Read at least 10 new Kindle books to the kids. — Incomplete {We read a few books, but I don’t think we read enough. I have to prioritize this goal and make it a habit this month.}
Complete the Couch to 5K training plan. — Incomplete {Almost there, I just have to run 30 minutes once, to complete it.}
Memorize I Corinthians 13. — Done

My goals for the month of November are:

Complete the Good Morning Girls Colossians Bible Study and begin the Advent study.
Complete the Hello Mornings I Peter Bible Study.
Read through the book of II Corinthians.
Read 8 chapters of The Excellent Wife.
Finish reading Everything.
Teach the kids to memorize Psalm 121:5-6.
Read at least 12 books to the kids.
Run for 30 minutes, at least 5 times this month.
Get the house organized with the help of this series by Money Saving Mom.
Memorize Psalm 139:1-8.

“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”

Are you in the habit of setting weekly/monthly goals? If you do, how did you do last month? If you don’t, how do you keep track of things you need to get done?

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Counting My Blessings: 637 to 657

November 5, 2012

“Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.” (Psalm 150:6)

3 Gifts Overjoyed!

637. Holiday assignments complete.
638. A collage of the kids.
639. Bright smiles.

3 Gifts Hallowed

640. Thirty years of God’s grace.
641. His glorious Name.
642. His presence everyday.

3 Gifts Eaten

643. Leftover birthday cake.
644. My mother-in-law’s homemade savories.
645. Chocolate!

3 Gifts Worn

646. 3 bright read sweaters for school.
647. Comfy shoes.
648. Jackets and caps.

3 Gifts that start with N

649. November.
650. Nails on tiny fingers.
651. Night sky.

A Gift Gathered, Given, Good

652. Empty cups.
653. Bread and wine.
654. A message, a blessing, a prayer at church.

3 Gifts Acorn-Small

655. Stones by the roadside.
656. A Lego block.
657. A chewed/torn eraser.

Are you in the habit of counting your blessings? I mean, literally counting them 1, 2, 3… Would you consider joining me on this journey? Would you dare to live fully, right where you are?

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The Excellent Wife: Chapters 7 & 8

November 3, 2012

We’re on Week 4 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 7 and 8.

Chapter 7: Christ

The subtitle of this chapter is “The Wife’s Heart” and yes, it does emphasize Christ being the center of our hearts. Often, we place more importance on other trivial things, and relegate Christ to a distant corner; to call on only when absolutely required. An idol then takes His place in our lives.

“An idol can be anything. It may even be a good thing. Bur if we want it so badly that we sin if we don’t get it or sin to attain it, then we are worshiping an idol rather than Christ.”

We have to be extra cautious that the good things we want (good health, a better marriage or obedient children) don’t displace Christ from our hearts. And then, there are those things we turn to when we need a break (food, sleep, television, exercise, reading, social media, etc.) that soon become our comfort and refuge. While none of these are sinful activities, they could become the “false saviors” we turn to when we face difficulties in our lives.

The chapter ends with practical tips to help us set our minds on things above. Here are a few that I’m personally working on:

Building contentment by frequently thanking God for my circumstances.
Investing my spare time in God’s Word.
Not giving in to sinful anger (when I feel frustrated) and anxiety.

Chapter 8: Home

This is one chapter where I have highlighted almost every other line. It gave me a new perspective – home is the wife’s domain. In light of my previous struggle to accept my responsibility as a worker at home, I can only thank God that He’s opened my eyes and helped me fulfill my responsibilities at home.

There’s a section in this chapter, for women who are (or who are thinking of) working outside the home. There are a set of questions the author encourages them to answer, to help them find their motive for working outside the home. I have asked myself the same questions and I can honestly say that my motives seemed selfish and reflected discontentment in my life. Suffice to say, I won’t be seeking employment until I have the right motives.

The second half of this chapter deals with creating a godly atmosphere in our homes.

“The wife and mother in a family often sets the tone in the home. The tone God wants her to set is one of joy, optimism and a delight in the Lord and in her family.”

Something that struck a chord within me is when the author questions how our families would describe us? Would my family describe me as God-fearing and loving or bitter and complaining? Yikes!

The rest of the chapter is about cultivating a joyful attitude and being a wife who is gentle and patient. I realize that I can try hard to be gentle, kind, patient, loving, joyful and self controlled; but I fail constantly. I’m thankful for a God who does not give up on me, but who constantly encourages me to keep going. To keep working on myself, so I can set the tone in my home the way He wants me to .

Counting My Blessings: 616 to 636

October 29, 2012

“Praise the Lord!
Praise God in His sanctuary;
Praise Him in His mighty firmament!
Praise Him for His mighty acts;
Praise Him according to His excellent greatness!” (Psalm 150:1-2)

3 Gifts Begun

616. The 21 Days to a more disciplined life ebook.
617. The ABC’s of Freezer Cooking ebook.
618. A walk with my mother-in-law.

3 Gifts Accomplished

619. Uninterrupted Bible study time.
620. Two blog posts written and scheduled.
621. Catching up on my favorite blogs on Google Reader.

3 Gifts Enjoying

622. An aquarium visit.
623. Sunset at the beach.
624. 3 boys enjoying the waves with their father.

3 Gifts Extravagant

625. God’s love.
626. Bungalows in South India.
627. Gifts from grandparents.

A Gift Humbling, Honoring, Happy

628. Sons who forgive easily.
629. My husband’s trust in me.
630. Boarding a bus back home.

3 Gifts in Christ

631. Forgiveness.
632. Hope.
633. Everything.

3 Gifts on Time

634. My morning run.
635. The sons waking up late {exactly at the time I wanted them to ;)}.
636. Lunch time.

Are you in the habit of counting your blessings? I mean, literally counting them 1, 2, 3… Would you consider joining me on this journey? Would you dare to live fully, right where you are?

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21 Days To A More Disciplined Life: eBook Review

October 25, 2012

Self-discipline isn’t easy, at least for me! There are so many areas I need to be disciplined in – Bible studies, my health, time management, household chores, teaching the kids, the list goes on… Just when I think I have it all under control, something comes along (usually sickness or a holiday) and I fall off the wagon again. When Money Saving Mom did a blog series on discipline a few months back, I was hooked. So when she offered bloggers a chance to review her new ebook on the same topic, I was only too eager to do so.

One look at the table of contents and I knew this book was going to going to be deep and practical. I needed practical. What’s the point in reading all the good stuff and not putting it to work, right? Given that the author, Crystal Paine was my inspiration to start my very own A Habit A Month {Ahem.. the very one I’ve put off for more than a month. I think we’ve established the fact that I really need to put this book to good use.} I knew her book would be a blessing to you as well.

Going into the semantics of the book, it is meant to be read one chapter a day for 21 days. Each chapter includes one principle that we can incorporate in our lives to be more disciplined and a practical application of that principle. If you choose a major project and follow the steps outlined in the book, you will actually get the whole thing done in 21 days. I can think of several major projects I’ve been procrastinating :), can you?

Another thing I like about this book is the emphasis on goals. We all know we
can’t achieve something without having a target in mind. Again, it was this very author who inspired me to track my own monthly goals. After reading this book however, I realize I have to break them up into weekly goals so I can make better progress instead of being crunched up for time at the end of the month.

This book is about making simple, realistic changes in our lives and sticking with them for the long haul; rather than trying to incorporate too much too soon and ending with a burnout. The tone of the book is encouraging and uplifting; it motivates you to get going and make the most of your life.

Every principle outlined in this book is valuable and has the potential to help you live a more disciplined life. The book also contains links to several resources that have motivated the author in her own quest for discipline. I can already think of several areas in my life where I can apply the principles I’ve learnt from this book.

You can read more about the book and buy it here. If you are interested in applying the principles in this book in your own life, you can join the 21 day Self-Discipline challenge at Serving Joyfully starting November 1st.

The Excellent Wife: Chapters 5 & 6

October 24, 2012

We’re on Week 3 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 5 and 6.

Chapter 5: A Wife’s Understanding of Marriage

“Husbands and wives should have a biblical goal for their relationships and pursue it.”

Considering the fact that everything in our life is achieved better when we have a goal in mind, it makes sense that marriage relationships should have a goal as well. So, what is God’s purpose for marriage? According to this book, God wants the husband and wife to have a oneness, a loving bond that glorifies God and helps the other person grow spiritually.

I’ve learnt that the first step to achieve this goal is to faithfully pray that my marriage will glorify God. And then comes the tough part. I have to accept responsibility for my own failures as a wife and repent. As much as I’d like to blame my husband when things don’t go right, the truth is that I’m not perfect either. In accordance with what Jesus said in Matthew 7:5, I ought to take the plank out of my own eye, and then try to remove the speck in my husband’s eye.

When we’re determined to work on ourselves first, God helps us become better wives by convicting us through His Word or by letting our circumstances mold us. He also uses people around us to warn and guide us when we go off track.

“A biblical reproof is telling someone what they are doing wrong with the intent to restore them to a right relationship with God.”

The only person who tells me to my face when I lose my way, is my husband. Somehow it’s easier for me to accept reproof from the Bible, books and blogs rather than from my husband. But I need to humble myself, listen to my husband’s words and think about what God may be trying to convey to me through him. On days when it’s tough, it’s best to keep in mind that God wants the husband and wife to help each other become more like Jesus; and that’s exactly what my husband is trying to do.

Chapter 6: A Wife’s Understanding of Her Role

This chapter may not sit well with everybody, and I understand that all too well. Just a few years back, I too rebelled against the biblical role of the wife being a helper subject to her husband. But God has since opened my eyes. I realize now that by being submissive to my husband, I am indeed being submissive to God’s will for me as a wife.

God created man and then fashioned the woman to be a helper suitable to him. I was created for my husband. The ultimate purpose of my existence is to glorify God but a part of that entails accepting my role as my husband’s helper. This may seem old fashioned, but one glance at the Bible and we know it’s true.

“…He (Man) is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” (1 Corinthians 11:7-9)

My takeaway from this chapter is that my husband is the one in charge, and he delegates some responsibilities to me. I ought to submit to my husband’s authority and fulfill my role as my husband’s helper.

The author includes 18 practical ways a wife can be the glory of her husband. These range from praying for our husbands to taking care of the household – really great tips. One that stood out for me, was that I should consider his work (job, goals, hobbies, ministry) as more important than my own. This is something I constantly struggle with. But I’m blessed to have an understanding husband who’s patient with me while I figure it all out.

The chapter ends with the story of how the author’s great-grandmother honored her husband even though he did not glorify Christ. That to me, is what God expects from Christian wives.

“A Christian woman can do the right thing and fulfill her God-given role regardless of whether her husband fulfills his or not.”

Counting My Blessings: 595 to 615

October 23, 2012

“Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.” (Psalm 54:4)

3 Gifts Burning

595. The blazing afternoon sun.
596. Our stove.
597. Calories!

3 Gifts Ugly-Beautiful

598. Walls covered with crayon art.
599. An old house.
600. Dirty, wet, puppies.

A Gift Shared, Saved, Surrendered

601. A trip to the grocery store alone with the boys.
602. Leftover fried fish saved for dinner.
603. Tired eyes surrendering to sleep.

3 Gifts Unexpected

604. A 7 hour power outage yesterday.
605. The number of tweets at #fmfparty on Twitter.
606. A late morning.

3 Gifs Unconventional

607. My Jesus.
608. 14 hour powercuts.
609. A dog jumping onto a neighbor’s roof and losing its way.

3 Gifts Undervalued

610. God’s love.
611. Life experiences.
612. The price Jesus paid for my sins.

A Gift Silent, Still, Strong

613. The morning quiet, before the kids woke up.
614. The trees outside.
615. My husband’s resolve to get some work done during vacation.

Are you in the habit of counting your blessings? I mean, literally counting them 1, 2, 3… Would you consider joining me on this journey? Would you dare to live fully, right where you are?

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Five Minute Friday: Look

October 19, 2012

Look

I look, but do not see. When there are 79 things pending on my to-do list, I am distracted. I hear a faint “Mama! Look here”… “Mama! See this!”

I look up and mumble something like “Yes, baby.. I saw. It’s nice!”… But did I really see? The other two sons chime along.. “Mama! See this! See what I’m doing.” Their cries louder now… Seeking attention, seeking a mother who’s there in the room but not fully present.

I look up again and I see three eager faces; waiting for their mother to participate in their lives. A mother who is not distracted with the mundane. A mother who’s intentionally involved in their activities.

I hear a gentle voice whisper, “Go on… you can always do this later.” Which is drowned by a louder thought, “But I still have so much left to be done today!”

I’m torn, but the sight of three eager faces looking up at me melts my heart. I close the laptop, bend down and really see what my boys are up to. I feel their enthusiasm as they all vie for my attention. I pull them close, cuddle them, tickle them. They squeal in laughter. My heart is full.

Thank you Jesus, for boys who teach me to be present when it really matters.

What comes to your mind, when you think of the word “Look” ?

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Top 3 Thursday – Edition #9

October 18, 2012

A lot of blogs out there are doing a 31 day challenge, where they blog about a particular topic every day in October. Here are some of those “31 days” series I found inspiring. Would you click through and check out these lovely blogs?

1. 31 Days to Intimacy with God @ Fit Homeschool Mom

2. 31 Days to a Gentle Answer @ Joyful Mothering

3. 31 Days of Family Ties @ Home With The Boys

Did you read or write an encouraging blog post during the week? Share the link in the comments below, I’d love to check it out!

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