Sheena Gershom

The Excellent Wife: Chapters 15 & 16

November 29, 2012

We’re on Week 8 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 15 and 16.

Chapter 15: Honoring Christ

This chapter basically explains that the key motivation for a wife to submit to her husband should be to honor Christ. Let’s face it, if we don’t have the right motives, we may outwardly submit to our husbands, but with a resentful heart. Even if we want to be submissive, it’s sometimes a struggle when we’re not in a good mood or when we’re in the midst of a heated argument.

“Regardless of her feelings, she should honor Christ by developing a mind-set or resolve to do the right thing in the right way with the right motive whether she feels like it or not. In the process, her feelings will eventually improve.”

The key is to change our motivation from “What can I get out of this?” to “How can I honor God through this?”. This chapter lists 20 biblical principles that should motivate wives to be submissive to her husband. Some of them are:

Being grateful for what God has done for us.
Renewing our minds through scripture.
Realizing that true beauty lies in being gentle, quiet and submissive.
Showing our love for God.
Showing our husbands that we love them.
Intentionally train (repeatedly practice) being a submissive wife.
Being faithful in the little things.

The last one is something I need to personally work on. Sure, I try to be obedient to my husband and I don’t intentionally disrespect him. But in the midst of my daily activities, I am not always respectful with my tone, facial expressions or body language. In the end, it boils down to how submissive I am to my husband in the little things.

Chapter 16: Communication

Oh, this was a hard hitting chapter – it talks about how a wife should control her tongue :). The author lists out 9 principles regarding how a wife should talk to her husband, as usual backed by loads of scripture.

Here are a few things I learnt from this chapter:

Wrong words originate from wrong thoughts and motives.
I am accountable to God for every word I speak. (uh-oh!)
I have to speak the truth to my husband, but in love.
My words ought to be wise and kind.
I should practice purifying my speech until it is flawless.

Here’s some wise, practical advice from the author: “… with God all things are possible. Work extra heard to think about what you are going to say and to say what is right in spite of how you feel”. Instead of just speaking out rash words that pop into our head, let us first think about it, refine our words and then communicate to our husbands.

I recently asked my husband if he had ever met a woman who had a ‘gentle and quiet spirit’. He thought for a while and then hesitantly muttered “No”. Apparently there are very few women in the world who are considered beautiful according to the Bible. So, I’ve decided to practice having a gentle and quiet spirit. It’s not easy with a houseful of rambunctious boys, but I’m going to try :).

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (I Peter 3:3-4)

A Habit A Month: Reading with the Kids

November 28, 2012

It’s about time I posted an update on the habit I’ve been trying to master for the past few months. I could blame four trips in four consecutive months, extended sickness or just life in general :). But in all honesty, I began intentionally reading to the kids only this month.

Sure, I read about 10 books a month to keep up with my monthly goals, but it hadn’t become a part of our evening routine until November. Well, now that I’ve finally got a hold on consistently reading to the kids, I’ve gained enough gumption to blog about it.

I had to first give up some of my ideals in order to facilitate a better reading experience for the kids. I realized that it’s ok if the kids are fidgety when I’m reading. I didn’t want it to be a rigid time; I wanted them to enjoy reading with me. Another thing I settled for was just reading 3 or 4 times a week, rather than everyday. Fridays and the weekends are usually hectic for us, and I didn’t want reading to become just another must-do amid the chaos.

All that being said, here are a few ways I’ve incorporated reading into our daily schedule.

Reading the Bible: This is something my husband and I do every night with the kids. It has become an integral part of their bedtime routine. Sometimes we paraphrase the story and show them the pictures alone. Other days we read their Bible word for word with them.
Kindle books: I’ve amassed about 1000 free children’s books and I use the Kindle app for PC to read the books on our laptop. This is also my most preferred method of reading, as it’s easier for all three boys to view the book at the same time. We started with picture books and we’re now moving on to simple stories.
Real books: Once in a while we actually sit down with a story book and read. The sons’ favorite book is one about a tractor that was gifted by a friend a couple of years back.

A happy moment for me was when we read “Bear Learns to Share“. The boys were engrossed in the book and actually understood the moral of the story. I’m hoping that reading to them now, and encouraging them to read as they grow older will foster a love for reading in them.

To Do: Continue reading to the kids – at least 12 books a month.

To Ponder: “Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.” – Emilie Buchwald

Habit for December: Take my vitamins regularly. I constantly forget and regret it when I find myself feeling weak or lacking energy. So, in the coming month, I’ll be working out a plan to remind me to take my vitamins regularly. And if all goes well, I’ll be blogging about it towards the end of the month.

“A Habit A Month” challenge is about working on just one habit a month – one small step at a time. Focus on just one area in your life that needs an overhaul and make it the habit you want to develop in the coming month. It could be as simple as waking up early or spending time with God everyday. This is an opportunity for you to actually take a step forward and work on that one good habit you’ve always wanted to develop. Or kick that one bad habit that has always been nagging your conscience. Are you up for it? Who’s with me?

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Counting My Blessings: 688 to 718

November 27, 2012

“All of my life, In every season,
You are still God;
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship.” ~ Desert Song (Hillsong United)

3 Gifts Hard Eucharisteo

688. Vehicles that come too close to my side of the car.
689. Being stuck in traffic.
690. Drivers that don’t pay attention to the road.

3 Gifts of Laughter

691. Laughing out loud in church.
692. The boys giggling at a birthday party.
693. My husband laughing with his friends.

A Gift Made, Shared, Passed On

694. Paper rockets.
695. Pizza.
696. Words of wisdom from the pulpit.

3 Gifts Autumn

697. Misty mornings.
698. Chilly evenings.
699. Socks and layered shirts for the kids.

3 Gifts of Traditions

700. Lighting a special candle on Christmas Eve.
701. Praying with the kids every night.
702. My husband saying ‘Bye’ at least a dozen times to the kids everyday.

3 Gifts of Family

703. Attending fasting prayer as a family.
704. My mother who willingly helps me with housework every time she visits.
705. The 5 of us being bonded by God’s love.

706. A Gift Grateful

3 Gifts Only in Christ

707. A new beginning.
708. Light.
709. Wisdom.

3 Gifts Humble

710. Jesus, stepping down from heaven to a stable.
711. My husband.
712. Our pastor.

3 Gifts Ugly-Beautiful

713. Sweaty kids.
714. A tiring yet awesome Sunday.
715. Food that’s not much to look at, but tastes real good.

3 Gifts Preparing

716. My husband getting the kids ready for school.
717. Fish fry for lunch.
718. A quick pasta for dinner.

Are you in the habit of counting your blessings? I mean, literally counting them 1, 2, 3… Would you consider joining me on this journey? Would you dare to live fully, right where you are?

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32 Things I Love about You

November 26, 2012

Barely a month after I started blogging last year, I wrote a post on my husband’s 31st birthday listing 31 things I loved about him. Well, yesterday he turned 32. It was only fitting that I followed up this year with 32 things I love about him :). And maybe another 33 next year?!

Well, here goes… To the love of my life, here’s 32 things I love about you:

Your obedience to God, even when it seems absurd.
The way you wait on God before making major decisions.
How you’ve set your priorities right.
The way you hold on to a word God has given you.
When you see I’m exhausted and you take up half my to-do list.
Your commitment to work and provide for us.
Your leadership – at home and at work.
Your patience with the kids when i’m losing mine.
The way you hair looks, naturally.
Your constant encouragement with respect to my blog.
The way you remind me of God’s promises when I am doubtful.
Your simple answers to my complex questions.
Your support when I’m an emotional mess.
When you raise your eyebrows and give me that look.
The two of us watching a movie in a theater for the first time together…
… And walking out halfway through to pick up the kids.
When you tried to get the kids to sing harmony.
For making sure our finances are on track.
The way you initiate family time – be it a movie or a trip to the beach.
For fixing our laptop charger.
The way you can straighten up our home in just 10 minutes.
The laugh lines near your eyes.
Rough boy fights with the kids.
When you teach them to write…
… Or learn a new Hindi rhyme.
The way you answer the kids’ complex questions.
For buying me running shoes…
… And encouraging me to run.
The way you sneak up on me and make me squeal.
How you chide the kids when they disrespect me.
The way you get excited when the kids love a toy you bought.
The picture of you above – you are one good looking guy :).

{I’m so glad God chose me to be your wife.}

To all the married women out there… Go ahead, write a note, a text or an email… Let your husband know all that you love about him. You’ll be glad you did!

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Five Minute Friday: Thank You

November 23, 2012

Thank You

Yesterday’s prompt for the One Thousand Gifts Joy Dare was “A Gift Grateful”. Several things rushed to my mind – I’m grateful for God’s grace, family, friends, provision, protection, health… But I had to pick just ONE thing. As I racked my brain, it suddenly clicked. I knew the ONE thing I was most thankful for – it was simply knowing Jesus.

So often I take my relationship with God for granted, not realizing that millions around the world still do not know Jesus. I’ve had the privilege of knowing Him personally and experiencing His presence in my day to day life.

I remember all that Jesus has rescued me from and my heart leaps. So, this is just me saying, “Thank You, Jesus”.

I was lost, You found me.
I was alone, You stood by me.
I was struggling, You helped me.
I was drowning in sin, You lifted me up.

I was confused, You gave me peace.
I was broken, You made me whole.
I was hurt, You comforted me.
I rebelled, You patiently led me back.

I was anxious, You gave me Your Word.
I was selfish, You opened my eyes to a love that gives more than it gets.
I wanted to have my own way, You taught me to seek Yours.
I was dead spiritually, You brought me back to life.

I would have died and gone to hell; Your sacrifice on the cross bought me life and a place in heaven.

For all this and so much more… Thank You, Lord.

If you had to pick just ONE thing you are thankful for, which would you choose?

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The Excellent Wife: Chapters 13 & 14

November 22, 2012

We’re on Week 7 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 13 and 14.

Chapter 13: Biblical Submission

This chapter outlines five biblical principles concerning the wife’s submission. As with the rest of the book, each principle is backed by several portions of scripture. I loved the part that explains the role of the husband and wife in a military sense. Wives are not inferior to their husbands, but they have a different rank and are under the authority of their husband (much like a commanding officer).

“The point is, a wife must obey her husband unless he asks her to sin. Even though a husband has God-given authority over his wife, only God has absolute authority over her.”

There is a separate section about submission for women whose husbands are not Christian. I know a few women who are living examples of this; I’m assured God will bless their obedience to His Word.

Here are a few traits of a submissive wife that I gathered from this chapter:

Obeying God is more important to her than having her own way.
She lets the Word of Christ direct her life.
She is submissive whether she feels like it or not.
She does not irritate or annoy her husband.
She does not pout when she doesn’t get her own way.
She does not make important decisions without consulting him.
She always pays attention to what he says.

Chapter 14: God’s Provision

This chapter outlines the resources God has provided for a submissive wife’s protection. I personally know several women who have been abused by their husbands and have not been able to take biblical action. They have either patiently endured their husbands’ abuse or walked out of their marriages. The resources mentioned in this chapter encourage the wife to take advantage of God’s protection that is available to her.

There is a step by step biblical guide to help the wife progressively deal with her husband’s abuse. It starts with communicating biblically, overcoming evil with good, appealing to her husband and giving biblical reproof for minor cases. When these fail, the wife is instructed to seek godly counsel, inform leaders in the church and if necessary, take the matter to the governing authorities.

I sincerely wish every woman struggling with an abusive husband or living in a difficult marriage would read this book. I’m glad I now have a resource I can personally recommend.

By the Will of God

November 20, 2012

Over the past few months, I’ve been reading several letters written by Paul in the New Testament. One thing I found common in Paul’s letters to the Ephesians, Colossians and Corinthians was how he introduced himself. All four letters start with the words, “Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God“.

I love how Paul acknowledges his position as the will of God. He knew that he was where he was, doing what he was doing by the will of God.

I asked myself the same question; do I believe I am where I am by the will of God? Do I acknowledge that God has given me responsibilities according to His divine purpose for me? I took a few seconds to write down my roles in life and acknowledge that I am all that, by the will of God.

Sheena – Daughter of God, wife, mother, homemaker, blogger… by the will of God.

I know your roles may be different from mine, but when we’re living in God’s will, our responsibilities are God’s purpose for us. I encourage you to declare it for yourself. Replace Paul’s name with your own and include the many hats you wear in your typical day. Believe that you are who you are by the will of God.

Here’s how this exercise will benefit us:

It reminds us that our roles are assigned by God.
It motivates us to be faithful in our God given responsibilities, working as unto God.
It may raise doubts as to whether what we’re doing is indeed the will of God. In such cases it is better to take some time to pray and seek God’s guidance.

Go ahead. Fill in the blanks below and acknowledge the roles you play by the will of God.

__(Your name)__ – Child of God, ____________ , ___________ , ___________ … by the will of God.

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Counting My Blessings: 658 to 687

November 19, 2012

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12)

3 Gifts Government

658. Freedom.
659. Reasonable taxes.
660. Infrastructure.

3 Gifts from your Window

661. Laundry drying on the clothesline.
662. Blue skies, white clouds and green trees.
663. Power lines and electricity.

A Gift Sweet, Salty, Sipped

664. Kit-Kat bars.
665. Mutton biriyani.
666. Coffee!

3 Gifts Harvest

667. Joy through tears.
668. Recognition for hard work.
669. Knowledge gained by reading.

3 Gifts found in Bible Reading

670. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalm 34:18)
671. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
672. “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7)

3 Gifts of Remembrance

673. My grandfather’s life.
674. His wit and wisdom.
675. His voice.

3 Gifts at Noon

676. Catching up with cousins.
677. The boys rewarded with chocolate for their bravery.
678. Preventive medication.

3 Gifts behind a door

679. Home.
680. A shoe rack.
681. Ironed shirts.

3 Gifts Silent

682. A quiet night and catching up on sleep.
683. A clear sky and still trees.
684. Sitting alongside my husband after the kids fall asleep.

3 Gifts Golden

685. Reciting “The Golden Fish” rhyme with the boys.
686. My tiny gold earrings.
687. A glimpse of the sun’s rays in the morning.

Are you in the habit of counting your blessings? I mean, literally counting them 1, 2, 3… Would you consider joining me on this journey? Would you dare to live fully, right where you are?

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Five Minute Friday: Stay

November 16, 2012

Stay

His time on earth had come to an end. We gathered around him – four generations blessed by his life. Prayers were said, tears were shed. His body was present, his soul was not.

A doctor, evangelist, prophet, church-planter, leader, preacher, pastor, teacher, father, friend, grandfather, brother, uncle, great-grandfather – he was all that and more. Several recounted their cherished memories of him. He was wise, witty, stern, passionate, disciplined, generous, kind and no doubt, respected by all.

I remember the conversations I’ve had with him, sitting at the dining table while he sipped his coffee. A teenager seeking simple answers to complex questions. What is grace? How did you know that you loved my grandmother? He answered them all patiently, his answers logical yet heartfelt.

I kiss his cold forehead and bid goodbye, knowing he’s in a happier place. There’ll be no sickness or pain there. He’s finally home, a citizen of heaven where he always belonged. He could stay no longer here. The tears dry up as peace floods my heart.

His death has rattled our comfortable cages. Zeal to complete the work he started, fills our hearts. I hear the call loud. Will I dare to live the Stephen life? To stand alone and spread God’s love, despite the cost?

I’ll miss you, dear grandfather but not for long. The call you’ve left behind is far too strong. As long as there’s blood pumping in my heart, I’ll stay true to my calling and do my part.

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The Excellent Wife: Chapters 11 & 12

November 15, 2012

We’re on Week 6 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 11 and 12.

Chapter 11: Intimacy

In this chapter, the author gives a biblical perspective of the physical intimacy between a husband and wife. From what I gather, there is a three-fold reason for intimacy within marriage.

For procreation.
To strengthen companionship between the husband and wife.
To protect the husband and wife from temptation.

I strongly agree with the author as she encourages wives to set apart some time for their husbands. With small children in the house, the mother probably has little or no energy left at the end of the day for her husband. However, if it’s possible to plan the day better and actually be there for her husband, it will strengthen their marriage in more ways than one.

I haven’t blogged on the subject of physical intimacy in marriage, but here are the links to some resources I found helpful.

The Importance of Intimacy in Marriage {Video}
To Love, Honor and Vacuum {Blog}
The Act of Marriage {Book}

Chapter 12: Submission

This chapter on submission was a short one and it focused on how submission can actually help the wife reap joy in her life.

“The submission of a godly wife is more than a duty, it should be her heart’s delight.”

The part I loved was where the author explains how we can find joy in the midst of difficult circumstances. She muses that God is always working His purpose in our circumstances. In difficulties, He wants to develop Christlike character in us and give us the opportunity to glorify Him.

So how do we find joy in the midst of your trials? The author advises us to reaffirm our faith saying, “This is good for me and God has purpose in it or He would not permit it. This is not fun, but I do have joy in knowing that God is working in my life to accomplish His purposes.”

Reading this chapter along with my study on I Peter has totally transformed how I react when difficult circumstances arise. As long as we are living, we will face trials that we have little or no control over. If you are facing a difficult situation in your life, I want to encourage you to stay strong in your faith. Draw closer to God and let Him have His way in your life. Then you will find joy and praise God, even in the midst of your trials.