The first time I heard the term “Terrible Twos” was when my husband prayed for our sons on their 2nd birthday. I turned to Wikipedia for clarification, and here’s what I found…

Terrible twos may refer to:

A child development stage which normally occurs around the age of two (but can start earlier) and consists of toddlers often saying no and throwing temper tantrums

My husband had figured the coming year would be challenging for us as three toddlers simultaneously turned two. And he prayed for grace and strength for us as parents. Wise man!

I had no clue what I was getting in to! Age 2 (and 3) were by far the most physically & emotionally challenging years for me as a mother. {Apparently, the terrible twos spill over into the terrifying threes!!!} The only way I made it through most days, was prayer… loads of prayer. The kind that you whisper amid tears, and scream amid tantrums… 🙂

Another thing that helped, was to let the boys just be boys. They wanted to run and shout, scream and jump, bang stuff and make a huge mess. As an only child to my parents, it was extremely hard for me to adjust to my boys’ behavior. But thankfully my husband was a bit more experienced in this department.

We let them jump from the couch / table / bed onto pillows and mattresses laid on the floor.

We let them climb windows (with a couch underneath it for a softer landing if they did fall).

And we let them make a mess.

The last one was something I resisted with ALL my heart. I did NOT want to clean up 3 boys (and clean up after them) in the middle of the day! Again, I had to come to terms with it…

The boys were gifted a pack of finger paints and they were intent on using it. I kept trying to dissuade them until their father returned home. But they wouldn’t be put off! I made a hasty phone call to my husband to check how far away from home he was, and on his insistence, I let the boys have the paints.

I gave them papers to paint on, but they obviously felt the walls were a bigger, better canvas. I cringed at first. Then I stood back and let them be. Oh what a mess they had made!

That mess seemed to depict exactly the stage of life I was in. Tired, exhausted, cranky (me & the kids), worn out and messy. Thankfully, the sons were washable (and surprisingly, so were the walls!) And guess what… so was that part of my life.

I look back at that messy time with fond memories now. It definitely wasn’t easy to go through it then, but God has taught me a lot through that phase. He taught me patience, self-control, kindness, unconditional love, and self-sacrifice. Lessons I wouldn’t have learnt otherwise. I have grown through the mess… and so will you.

If you have a toddler or two (or three) at home, believe me when I tell you, I understand what you are going through. Hang in there, sweet Mama. This too shall pass away!

The tantrums will cease.

They will be potty-trained.

They will be more open to correction.

They will be OK… and so will you!

You will come out of this phase – unscathed, older, wiser.

Until then… embrace the mess… and pray.

Definitely pray!

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It’s been a blazing summer here in South India, with our boys being holed up at home during the day. I don’t let them go out when it’s too hot outside, and I work during the day, so they’re getting quite adept at keeping themselves occupied.

However, I know these 2 months of having my boys at home are precious, and I don’t want to waste the days away. Over the past two weeks, my husband and I have managed to help the kids implement 2 good habits.

• Morning Routine – My husband trained the boys to follow a sequence of tasks as soon as they wake up. This includes a time of reading their Bibles and praying, after which they are free to do whatever they please.
• Minimal Screen Time – The kids do get to watch TV and play on the iPad, but that time is restricted and will be revoked if they don’t behave well that day.

Well, that brings me back to how I want to be intentional with my boys this summer. I created a summer bucket list for myself – things I want to do with my family this summer. Some of them are fun, and some educational, but all of them are focused on me having quality time with the kids.

My Summer Bucket List:

1. Help the boys stick to their morning routine.

2. Teach them to tie their shoe laces.

3. Spend one-on-one time with each of them every day.

4. Watch a movie together as a family.

5. Attend a worship concert at church. The last one I attended with the sons (my husband was on stage) was a disaster. {The concert itself was awesome, but the boys took turns throwing tantrums and I was exhausted by the end of the night!}

6. Work on improving the kids’ handwriting.

7. Get the kids to read something everyday.

8. Get on the floor and play with them a couple of times a week.

9. Ensure the kids don’t forget their basic Hindi & Mathematics.

10. Send the boys to Vacation Bible School at church (not sure if the logistics will work in our favor, but we’re determined to try).

I’m aiming to strike off as much as I possibly can from this list. When June rolls around, I don’t want to regret not spending enough time with the boys during the summer. That is my motivation!

Are your kids home on holidays? Why don’t you create your own bucket list? I’m sure it will help you be more intentional about spending time with your children.

It was one of those days. Unreasonable temper tantrums and rough boy fights had left this mother of triplets physically and emotionally drained.  Stepping on a stray Lego just about did it for me and I collapsed into a blubbery mess of tears. With harsh words and a little-more-than-necessary force, I pretty much dumped them in bed and heaved a huge sigh of relief when the boys were finally down for a nap. And then I felt it – the crushing weight of guilt as it threatened to engulf me.

If only I hadn’t yelled at them…
If only I had hugged them, instead of lecturing them…
If only I had been more patient with them…
If only I had remembered to speak their love language…

As I watched my boys sleeping, they looked more like little angels than the stubborn, mischievous trio I had struggled with, just that morning. The feeling of unworthiness washed over me. God had given me the responsibility to raise my boys right, and I had failed.

Tears streamed down my face as I recounted all the mistakes I had made from the moment they woke up that morning. When my mind finally quietened down, I felt a little nudge. A soft whisper reminded me that God hadn’t given me my sons because I was worthy. He already knew I would struggle, that in my weakness I would make mistakes. I could never be a perfect mother to my sons.

But…

He is perfect; He is more than enough for them.

Through my imperfections, He wants me to show them Jesus.

He lets them rock my world, so I continually turn to Christ – my solid rock.

He shows me that without His grace, all my efforts are in vain.

As I try to mold their character, God reveals to me my own weaknesses. As I try my best to correct their behavior, He reminds me that it’s their hearts that truly matter. And when I run to Him in tears, afraid that I’ve messed up yet again; He offers me forgiveness, grace and wisdom to do better tomorrow.

I hear their light breathing, and I’m once again grateful they’re alive. I snuggle up in their midst, glad to have their arms and legs sprawled around me. I wipe away a stray tear and thank God for these three boys. These rambunctious miracles, these bundles of limitless energy have drawn me closer to God.  From the moment God gave them life, they have been a constant reminder of Someone who cares for them much more than I ever could.

And when I feel I’ve messed up, He reminds me that He’s still watching over them. He will not let them down, in spite of my weakness – because He loves them more.

* Originally written in September 2012 as a guest post for The MOB Society.

On 20th February, our boys graduated kindergarten! Well, technically they still have a month of school and a round of assessments left. But they did “officially” graduate – complete with cap and gown! 🙂

Before the graduation ceremony, well performing students were given awards for various academic and extra-curricular achievements. As kids walked up the stage to collect their awards, I kept my eyes peeled for my trio.

They weren’t there. And my heart sank.

I comforted myself with the thought that although the school might not recognize their achievements, each of my sons were achievers in their own right. To me they too deserved awards. {Typical Mama mentality, right?! 🙂 }

I then started berating myself for not being more intentional in getting them to participate in competitions at school. True, I made sure they did their allocated reading, writing and arithmetic… but I had not been intentional in preparing them for the non-curricular activities that had been organized in school.

I gazed back at the line on stage, as each child walked up to collect his/her award, and parents proudly cheered on.

If only I had more time… If only I had more patience… If only I was more talented… If only I had taken more interest in their extra-curricular activities…

And then I got a glimpse of a tiny, spike-haired boy dressed in black.

He was one of mine! 🙂

My heart soared. Tears threatened to spill over. I clenched my husband tight and whispered, “It’s one of ours!” I clapped with all my might, tears in my eyes, and gratitude in my heart as my son received his award.

In that short duration, I saw all the areas I had neglected as a parent.

I never do crafts with the kids.
I rarely sit down on the floor and play with them.
I get frustrated when they don’t understand a particular concept.
I don’t spend one-on-one time with each of them.
I am impatient with them.

My weaknesses and imperfections do not make me a likely candidate to parent 3 boys. But God… He more than makes up for the areas where I falter.

I acknowledged that the award our son received, was not by his effort or my coaching. Neither his nominal effort nor my halfhearted coaching was enough.

But God was enough. He is enough. In my weaknesses, His strength shines through. He fills the cracks and takes over.

If you are wondering whether you’re good enough to parent your kids, here’s some encouragement for you. We are all imperfect parents, doing this parenting gig the best way we know how. But stay tuned to the perfect God, and He will more than make up for your inadequacies as a parent.

Isaiah 54:13 is one promise I cling on to when it comes to my kids. I pray it is a blessing to you as well.

“And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD;
and great shall be the peace of thy children.”

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When you’ve got 3 boys of the same age with similar tastes, one thing is certain – they fight… a LOT! And many times it’s because someone else has the ONE toy / book / puzzle / piece of trash that the other wants. They are 6 years old now and still haven’t mastered the art of sharing!

But there are a few things my husband and I do, to teach them how to share. Let’s just say that if we hadn’t done these things in the past, we’d have a mini world war on our hands every single day! 🙂

So, I though I’d share from my own experience the strategies we followed to teach our kids to share.

{I have to add a disclaimer here, because our kids are in no way perfect, neither are our methods. For proof – read the first paragraph again 🙂 }

But for the most part, these methods have played a vital role in teaching our kids to share their things – with each other, and with their friends.

1. The Timer

This was one of the first tools we employed. When more than one son wanted to play with a particular toy, we would obviously ask them to share and play. If they wouldn’t, I would set a countdown timer on my phone – usually for 5 or 10 minutes. When the time was up, the kid who had the toy, had to give it to the next one in line, and the timer was reset.

After a few weeks, months of doing this, they got the point. On a good day, they automatically take turns by looking at the big hand of the clock.

Here is a sample conversation:

Jason: Judah, I want to play with the race car.
Judah: But I’m playing with it! {Insert whining here}
Jason: Tell me which time you’ll give it then.
Judah: OK. Till the big hand touches 5, I’ll play with it.
Jason: But 5 is too far! {Insert more whining}
Judah: OK, then till 4.
Jason: OK!

Like I said, it’s not perfect and there maybe a little whining, and a bit of parental intervention. But they have learnt the art of sharing (and apparently, negotiation)!

2. The Table

This is more of a consequence for not sharing, but it did teach my boys that they had to share. On a bad day, when we’ve had lots of fights breaking out (it’s usually over LEGO’s which we never seem to have enough of), we ban the boys from playing with whatever it is that’s causing friction among them.

My husband or I pick up the toy and place it on the dining table, with strict instructions that they can’t touch it until they learn how to share and play together. We’ve had banned toys littering our dining table, the entertainment center, my work table, and the top of cupboards for days… until they are willing to will play without fighting over it.

3. The Suitcase

This method, is by far the most extreme. A couple of years ago, the boys were going through a phase where they would fight over just about any toy they laid their hands on. It was about that time, I came across a blog post at I Can Teach My Child. This couple had actually locked up all their sons’ toys!

I suggested the same to my husband, and he thought it was a good idea. He brought out a suitcase and in went ALL they toys. The boys begged and pleaded, but we were firm that they would not get their toys back until they learned to share. So, they went a week without any toys – I kid you not! They found other things to do, and when they did get their toys back, they were truly grateful and learned to play together.

So, that’s it! The imperfect methods & unusual tools that I used to teach my sons to share. How did you teach your kids to share? Do tell…

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Yesterday, the kids were watching “The Cat in the Hat” on TV while I wound up work.  In this particular episode, the Cat, Sally & Nick identify the footprints of various animals and track them down.  Needless to say, my kids’ curiosity was piqued and they wanted to do it too.  I promised we’d do it this morning on our walk to the school bus, and we did!

We saw paw prints, shoe prints, and a variety of tire tracks.  The boys were so enthusiastic as they tried to identify each vehicle that left behind tracks.  We spent a good 10-15 minutes doing this and it was time well spent! 🙂

So anyway, this got me thinking about the prints we parents leave on our kids as we go through life.

As we plod through our day, do we leave behind evidence of God’s grace that sustains us?

In sickness, does our faith in God’s healing power leave an impression on our kids’ minds?

When we discipline our kids, is there any evidence of the forgiveness that we ourselves have experienced from God?  Do we pass that on to our children?

In trying times, do our kids see us holding on to God and never letting go?

Do our words, expressions and actions pour out God’s love on to our little ones?

We leave prints on our children’s hearts everyday.  Are they delicate footprints of love and grace, or are they tire tracks that crush their tender spirits?

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As parents, our primary responsibility is to nurture our children’s hearts, helping them grow spiritually and bear fruit for God’s kingdom. Here are some of the phases we go through, in farming terms.

1. Plow

I think plowing is by far the hardest task in farming, but it is also the most important. It is where the ground is prepared for sowing. In our children, this phase includes teaching them the basics and preparing their hearts to grow in a relationship with God. This also includes training, disciplining and teaching our kids to differentiate between right and wrong.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

2. Sow

Sowing is when the seed is planted in the plowed field. In our children, the seed represents the word of God. As parents, we have to ensure that our children are exposed to the Bible and the values it recommends. Sowing God’s word in our children’s hearts is simply teaching them the word of God.

“Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 11:19)

3. Water

After the seed is sown, we cannot expect a decent harvest unless the crops are watered. Shower your children with your prayers. Pray for them, pray that the seed you have sown will some day bear good fruit.

4. Wait

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.” (I Corinthians 3:6)

There is only so much we can do to lead our children to Christ. We cannot rush them into a relationship with God. We can prepare their hearts, sow the seed of the gospel and pray for them. But it is up to God to speak to their hearts and reveal Himself to them. And so, we keep watering and we wait, until God makes them ripe enough for harvest.

5. Reap

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

We will reap a harvest – that is God’s promise to us. The little things we’re doing to bring our children closer to God do matter. In due time we will reap a harvest – if we remain faithful and do not give up.

So, let us not become weary in our mothering. Yes, it is hard and not always recognized. But one day, all our hard work will bear fruit. Do not give up – our God has promised us a harvest. God has handpicked our children to bear fruit for His kingdom in this generation. Let us hold on to the vision He has for our children. Stay strong and mother on!

Which phase are you currently experiencing with your children?

Photo Credit: jayneandd

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