I don’t remember where I heard it first… this full-form of J.O.Y.
J – Jesus First
O – Others Next
Y – Yourself Last
I spent years moving loved ones (and beloved things) down my list, giving God His rightful place in my life. You ask me to name my top 3 priorities, and I will say without hesitation – Jesus, my husband, my kids.
When it comes to marriage and parenting, yes, you should consider your family’s needs above your own. You die to yourself, give up your wants, sacrifice your desires, to satisfy the needs of your husband or kids.
You might:
- Get up early and make a cup of coffee for your husband when you really want to sleep in.
- Give up your portion of the chocolate cake for the kids.
- Make do without a new outfit, so the kids can have something they like.
But I have since learnt that there is a flip side to this. Putting others’ needs above your own could be detrimental to your sanity at times. At some point, you will have to give yourself some attention lest you get dejected. A friend was telling me the other day, how she mothers better when she takes some time to pamper herself. While it may not always be possible, it’s worth trying to carve out a little time for yourself.
Have you heard the analogy of an oxygen mask in an aeroplane? If there is a disturbance, the stewards instruct you to put on your oxygen mask first, before you help someone else with theirs. You’ll be of no help if you’re passed out for lack of oxygen.
Unless you take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of everyone else in your family. You need to take timely breaks in your day/week/month/year to relax and refresh your body, mind and spirit.
Sleep in once a week.
Quiet your soul with prayer.
Go for a walk.
Read a book.
Eat some ice-cream! 😉
Let Jesus be first in your life, your husband and kids next, but take time to do whatever makes you happy once in a while.
Oh and in other facets of your life… please put yourself above others. All the more if you veer on the side of people-pleasing and obsessing about what others may think! Yes, your extended relationships, career and ministry are important – but they are not as important as you are… especially because your family is counting on you!
So, jot down a list of things you like to do… and carve out some time to actually do some of them!
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