He Loves Them More

It was one of those days. Unreasonable temper tantrums and rough boy fights had left this mother of triplets physically and emotionally drained.  Stepping on a stray Lego just about did it for me and I collapsed into a blubbery mess of tears. With harsh words and a little-more-than-necessary force, I pretty much dumped them in bed and heaved a huge sigh of relief when the boys were finally down for a nap. And then I felt it – the crushing weight of guilt as it threatened to engulf me.

If only I hadn’t yelled at them…
If only I had hugged them, instead of lecturing them…
If only I had been more patient with them…
If only I had remembered to speak their love language…

As I watched my boys sleeping, they looked more like little angels than the stubborn, mischievous trio I had struggled with, just that morning. The feeling of unworthiness washed over me. God had given me the responsibility to raise my boys right, and I had failed.

Tears streamed down my face as I recounted all the mistakes I had made from the moment they woke up that morning. When my mind finally quietened down, I felt a little nudge. A soft whisper reminded me that God hadn’t given me my sons because I was worthy. He already knew I would struggle, that in my weakness I would make mistakes. I could never be a perfect mother to my sons.

But…

He is perfect; He is more than enough for them.

Through my imperfections, He wants me to show them Jesus.

He lets them rock my world, so I continually turn to Christ – my solid rock.

He shows me that without His grace, all my efforts are in vain.

As I try to mold their character, God reveals to me my own weaknesses. As I try my best to correct their behavior, He reminds me that it’s their hearts that truly matter. And when I run to Him in tears, afraid that I’ve messed up yet again; He offers me forgiveness, grace and wisdom to do better tomorrow.

I hear their light breathing, and I’m once again grateful they’re alive. I snuggle up in their midst, glad to have their arms and legs sprawled around me. I wipe away a stray tear and thank God for these three boys. These rambunctious miracles, these bundles of limitless energy have drawn me closer to God.  From the moment God gave them life, they have been a constant reminder of Someone who cares for them much more than I ever could.

And when I feel I’ve messed up, He reminds me that He’s still watching over them. He will not let them down, in spite of my weakness – because He loves them more.

* Originally written in September 2012 as a guest post for The MOB Society.