We’re on Week 9 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 17 and 18.
Chapter 17: Conflict
This chapter is a continuation of the previous chapter on communication – it just places more emphasis on how wives can communicate better to biblically solve conflicts with their husbands. Let’s face it, when a conflict arises, emotions run high, tempers flare and people get hurt. When we learn how to resolve conflict biblically, we’ll only be doing ourselves (and our husbands) a favor.
The author lists unbiblical thoughts wives often harbor that hinder conflict solving and how we can replace those thoughts with biblical thoughts, choosing to endure and learn from the situation. The author also mentions 3 causes of conflict:
- Differing views and opinions.
- Selfishness – wanting to have our way.
- Righteousness – sporting an “I’m better than you” attitude.
The author reminds us of Paul’s instruction to the Ephesians, asking them to get along with each other. Isn’t it our obligation to preserve the bond we have with our husbands? That same passage of scripture (Ephesians 4:1-3) also gives us the attitudes we should posses if we want to resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner – humility, gentleness, patience and forbearance.
I think it’s important during conflict to not let your emotions get the better of you. If you feel you are losing it, gently tell your husband you are emotional and take a little time off to pray and calm yourself. The matter at hand might not be solved when you come back, but at least you are equipped with prayer and a calmer mind when you resume the discussion.
Chapter 18: The Wife’s Anger
Anger – a powerful emotion that we validate, because Jesus Himself got angry at the vendors outside the temple. The author says that righteous anger (when other’s crimes make us angry) is valid. But most of the time our anger is not righteous.
The Bible instructs us to not sin in our anger. But how do we know if we’re sinning in our anger or not? The author says that if in spite of provocation we continue to think true, honorable, right, pure… thoughts, not taking into account the wrong suffered, then our anger is justifiable. Well, I admit that for me at least, 99% of my anger is unrighteous.
“The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God” (James 1:20)
I find this verse to be so true. In my anger, I do not act out the righteousness God desires of me. When I’m angry, do people see the qualities of a believer in me? Nope! The solution to that is found in James 1:19. Believe it or not, I came across this verse 3 times in the last few days – in The Excellent Wife, in Everything and in my study of James. I think God is trying to tell me something ;).
Slow to anger. Quick to forgive. Not easily provoked. And quick to forgive whoever has hurt us. This is something we need to constantly work on. The next time someone offends you, challenge yourself. How quickly can you forgive him/her? Impossible, you say? Not quite; we do have a God who specializes in the impossible! 🙂
Other posts in this series:
- An Excellent Wife: Introduction
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 1 & 2
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 3 & 4
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 5 & 6
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 7 & 8
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 9 & 10
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 11 & 12
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 13 & 14
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 15 & 16
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 17 & 18
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 19 & 20
- An Excellent Wife: Chapter 21 & Conclusion
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