We’re on Week 5 of the The Excellent Wife series. You can catch up on the older posts here. This week we’re diving into chapters 9 and 10.
Chapter 9: Love
This chapter begins with the reminder that as Christians, we are to love our neighbors. And our husbands; they just happen to be our closest neighbors. So, whether we “feel” like we’re in love or not, we must choose to love our husbands.
“Godly love is not primarily a feeling, it is a choice.”
The author explains that, when wives choose to show love to their husbands, God will “give them a love for each other that they never dreamed possible”. Now, that’s the kind of love I’ve always dreamt of ;).
The next section deals with attitudes that hinder love – the first of which is selfishness. Selfishness in my dictionary means, “Wanting to have my way, no matter the cost”. But the Bible instructs us to think of our others before ourselves. In the context of marriage, it would mean considering my husband’s needs before my own.
Another destructive attitude that hinders love (and not just in marriages) is bitterness. The author encourages wives to replace their bitter thoughts with kind, tenderhearted and forgiving thoughts. She also talks of a second mile investment, where we do something extra nice for our husbands, going above and beyond the call of duty.
“There is nothing that your husband has done that God cannot forgive and you cannot forgive!”
Fear also crowds out love in marriage. Wives fear several things – not getting their own way, fear of a husband’s death or a genuine fear for her safety. The only way to combat fear is to trust God and weed out the fear. Of course, if the wife is afraid because her husband abuses her, she has to seek help from a pastor or counselor.
The chapter ends with a verse-by-verse explanation of love as found in I Corinthians 13. My husband and I did a simple exercise a few years back. We wrote down each of the qualities this passage mentioned and examined ourselves, taking note of those areas that we needed to work on. Go ahead and try it – put your name in the place of “Love” and read those verses out loud. To be completely honest, I’m still working on most of them, myself :).
Chapter 10: Respect
This chapter is based on Ephesians 5:33 where wives are instructed to respect their husbands. It is something we should do, in obedience to the Word of God, even if we don’t always want to do it.
“This respect is not only an outward show, but also an inward heart’s attitude of obedience to God.”
The author goes on to give us several ways women tend to disrespect their husbands:
- Talking back in a disrespectful tone
- Complaining about him to others
- Speaking hurtful words
- Giving him a look that could kill
- Being sarcastic or irritated with him
One thing I’m taking away from this chapter is to use a gentle tone with my husband and (try to) smile more often. Ever heard of the saying you catch more flies with honey than vinegar? 😉 It’s more likely that our husbands will hear us when we talk nicely than when we’re yelling at them.
In conclusion, I found that these two chapters had a lot of information to digest and practice in my everyday life. I plan on praying and receiving help from God, because He’s promised us that the Holy Spirit will teach us all things (which includes being a better wife). I truly believe God will help us improve our marriages when we lean on Him.
Other posts in this series:
- An Excellent Wife: Introduction
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 1 & 2
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 3 & 4
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 5 & 6
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 7 & 8
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 9 & 10
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 11 & 12
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 13 & 14
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 15 & 16
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 17 & 18
- An Excellent Wife: Chapters 19 & 20
- An Excellent Wife: Chapter 21 & Conclusion
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