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It was beautiful – this castle I built in the air.
The architecture magnificent; the detailing intricate.
It was everything I wanted – and everything I couldn’t have.
It was my deepest desire, my highest hope;
My desperate longing, but never to be.
I’m sure at some point in life, you have heard (or read) the words “You can be anything you want to be” or “You can do anything you want to do”. But the harsh reality is that life doesn’t always work that way.
When I was 13, I decided I wanted to become a software engineer. That was my dream. Everything I did, was directed towards achieving that dream. I got my Masters degree in Software Engineering and proceeded to work in a reputed IT company. I was officially a software engineer – I was at the steps leading to my castle. Except that my castle no longer existed – in its place lay a pile of ruins.
You see, my dream job did not give me the satisfaction I sought. I constantly battled with God as to why He kept my brain & my heart in the same body. Did that sound weird to you? Let me explain… While my logical thinking, problem solving brain was at it’s best in an IT job; my heart longed to do something that would truly make a difference in somebody’s life.
The castle I had been building in the air for 10 years had crashed. As I gazed at the heap of ruins before me, I realized that maybe MY plans were not the best ones after all… I was reminded of my life verse, the first verse in the Bible I actually claimed for myself when I was 13.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
It was the latter half of the year 2006, when I took a week off work and pondered about my future. Little did I know that within a year, God would turn my life right side up and make HIS plans for me a reality.
It has been 3 years since I gave up my job. Truth be told, I wasn’t ready to give it up at that time. I craved the independence, financial security, and comfortable lifestyle that my job in the corporate world had provided. I rebelled even after I knew that it was God’s plan for me to stay at home in this season of our kids’ lives.
After extending my leave for more than a year, I finally let go of my job and trusted God and my husband for provision and security. It was a humbling experience and it took me several months to come to terms with it. I am now unemployed, but not jobless! My husband, kids & my home are my full time occupation now – and I have finally found the job satisfaction I always craved.
God found a place for me in the tiniest corner of the internet, where He would be able to use my mind & my heart for His glory. It humbles me every time one of you stop by to tell me that you read my blog. I am blessed to be clay in my Potter’s Hands. And if this imperfect, cracked clay pot could share a drop of Living Water with another thirsty soul – I have done the job my Potter requires of me.
If you are going through a time in you life, when your castle has crashed… Your dreams lie shattered and your hopes have crash landed… God reminds you…
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
God has something greater in store for you. Trust me, it’s the story of my life! I know from personal experience that He “…is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)
Wishing you GOD’s best,